March means March Madness, so that is the theme for the month. Not sure what that means as regards running? Good question. Maybe training for an ultra? Signing up for a Ragnar Relay? March madness can mean different things to different people. To me it means…Snot Rockets.
That’s right. Snot rockets are just one of many skills that runners sharpen through training and practice. Yes, they’re gross. Yes, they can be messy. But, like peeing in the bushes and using a porta-potty without touching anything, snot rockets are an important skill for runners.
Warning: Straight-up runner talk ahead.
The Art of the Snot Rocket
This is a really bad picture of a really wonderful moment. Alan and I, running our first Paris Marathon, in 1998. This is a poster that is hanging in our entryway. See that yellow circle? That is my pink flower hankie, that I carried in most races back then so that I could delicately wipe my drippy nose. That was obviously before I perfected the art of the snot rocket.
I’m not sure exactly when I decided that using a hankie was just way too much effort. I started by, after looking around to make sure no one was close, discreetly placing a finger over one nostril, then turning my head and blowing out forcefully.
The world didn’t end. No one stopped and pointed at me. I discovered that keeping my sinuses clear this way was very helpful with my exercise induced asthma. I was in.
I admit that I still take a look around before I do it, but I am now a confirmed snot-rocketer. The art? Don’t worry about who’s looking, but do take notice of who is behind you.
The Art of Hocking a Loogie
I come from a time when ladies did not spit, let alone hock a loogie. (I admit I had to Google the correct spelling of this delicious sounding act.) But, when you’re running and the need arises, you do not want to swallow it down. Instead, when you cough up that yucky phlegm, draw it up into your throat, and spit that shit out!
The Art of the Porta Potty
Most races, in order to provide bathroom facilities at the start line, provide portable toilets to use. Call it a porta potty or portolet, or any of a variety of names all of which basically mean an outhouse. Usually an overused, undercleaned, sitting it the hot sun, outhouse. The kind where you hold your breath and try to go without touching anything.
My best example of using a porta potty in an artful way came during the 1999 St. George Marathon. I ran my PR that year (3:16) in spite of having to stop twice to pee (not to mention fueling issues, but that’s a whole other story).
Here’s what I did. I ran into the porta potty. I grabbed my toilet paper first (key), stood up on the platform surrounding the seat. I then pulled my shorts aside, squatted above the opening, and, well, went. Then I dashed out, picked up my pace for about a quarter mile, then resumed my race pace. Voila. The art of peeing in a porta potty.
The Art of Peeing in the Bushes
There is a skill to peeing in the bushes (or anywhere that is not a restroom). This applies to women, obviously. If you’ve ever run a race, especially with a delayed start, you may have noticed that during that first mile, many men dash off to the side of the road, stand still for about 15 seconds, then, without hardly losing momentum, are back in the race.
Women don’t have it so easy. We have to 1) Find an appropriate and discreet spot, 2) Skulk off without anybody noticing, 3) Quickly pull down our running shorts and do our business, 4) Shake our bodies a bit because, um, no toilet paper, 5) Now quickly pull up those sweaty running shorts.
I recommend stashing a bit of tissue in your running belt, as well as using the restroom shortly before your run or race. But, if the inevitable happens, don’t be embarrassed. I have peed before the start of a few races by pulling my plastic garbage bag discreetly over my knees (yet another use for those bags) and during the Paris Marathon by simply pulling off the course while we were running through the Bois de Bologne as squatting in full view of the rest of the runners. That was unusual and extreme, but I really really had to go. Really.
Yes, runners. We are different.
Have you perfected a gross running (or other sport) skill?
The Running Coaches Corner
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Haha! I’m not a snot rocketer but the portapotty? I’ve got skills…
I tell ya. Porta potty skills are important if you’re going to run your best!
Runner rule: always carry tissues. You never know what you might need them for!
A truer word was never spoken. 😆
Snot rockets to me are one of the grossest rudest things I see people do. I’ts kind of my pet peeve. Linking up my post now thanks for hosting
Ha! Maybe I’ve been running alone in the desert too long. If we ever run together in promise I’ll refrain. ☺
OMG, laughing. I have done and seen it all — have to share 2 top moments 1) won a 1/2 marathon this year . . . . and you don’t EVEN want to know what happened on the side of the road 2) a few years back in a windy marathon, the guy in front of me turned his head, launched a loogie and it landed ON MY FACE! I got mad at him and he started yelling at me telling me that if I wan’t drafting, it wouldn’t have happened . . . I countered that if I was drafting I would have been directly behind him and it would have missed, he was so rude and ugly . . . .all this road rage happened while we re RUNNING. That was one of the weirdest running experiences I’ve ever EVER had . . . . and I chicked him in the end.
Lol! Good for you for beating him. That says more than any words could. ☺
Lol! Awesome, awesome post. 🙂
I can never do a snot rocket but the porta potty pee and the bushes pee – I got it down to a squat (hehehe) 😀 😀
Haha! Very important skills for competitive runners to have!
I’ve never actually attempted a snot rocket. I’d rather sniffle than risk getting snot all over me.
The downside of the snot rocket (aside from the risk of grossing everyone out), is that it takes practice to perfect and you’really likely to “backfire” once or twice before you get it right. 😄
This is great and gross at the same time!!
I hate the snot rockets and the loogies! I am an outside of the pack runner and have had too many close calls of these flying towards me…yuck!
The runner pee squat in the bushes–PRIECELSS!! I have perfected that one!!
I hate that I’ve become so good at using a porta potty. And I always try to bring tissues or TP to races with me! I’e actually never attempted a snot rocket…
HILARIOUS, gross BUT important info!!!!! 🙂
I so very distinctly remember my dad teaching me the art of the snot rocket… and being disgusted… and then totally doing it. LOL!
Oh this is hilarious! I’m a confirmed snot-rocker also. There’s an etiquette to it of course, like pulling off to the side and being mindful of those around you, but once you master it it’s easy to do right!
Lol–I spit when I run (and afterwards lol) and I’m a snot-rocketer as well. I agree its all about being mindful of those around you; look before you shoot!
Ha love this! That port-a-potty tip, that’s awesome. I never thought to get up on the platform!
When ya gotta go ya gotta go. That was a good laugh but at the same time so practical. Well said Debbie.
This is so gross! But funny…and I imagine very practical advice for runners. Or anytime a tissue isn’t handy, I suppose. Thanks for hosting!
When I spotted the ‘Snot’ part in the header, I though, well maybe it is not what I think it is….I am not a runner, but I could see someone doing it – hilarious! I will have to share with some runners!
I’m not even a runner, but these tips are helpful for any woman who finds herself in a sticky spot like this. I really enjoyed this post. #sundaybloghop
I am the SNOT ROCKET QUEEN! ha ha ha ah! But as for peeing in the woods… Yep, I won’t do it! WONT! Which is funny, coming from a girl from Wyoming.
You don’t want to know why! LOL!
Many of these skills are not restricted to runners. I have students who blow their snot directly into a trash can or on the ground. Other hack their mucus and spit it on the ground or in the trash can. As for peeing in the bushes, try doing it when the bushes are no more than a foot tall. You find a gully to use or walk far enough away to be behind something.
Oh I hate the dripping nose syndrome however I haven’t come at the snot rocket yet or peeing in the woods. Thanks for a fun post even though it was a little gross to read LOL:) I will never look at runners the same way. Thanks for sharing with us at #OvertheMoon link up
Ha ha ha…! This post is fantastic. I’m not a runner (yet.. maybe..) but I’ve seen a lot of things in high school. Just you know, average student stuff. Snot rockets were an honored skill 😉 Thanks, as always, for linking up on the #SundayBlogHop